Mind Games

I decided not to compete at Master Worlds. My mind isn't right when it comes to jiu jitsu, and  it won't be worth the pressure, $$ and time spent going to Vegas if my heart isn't in it. This is a less drastic measure than what I was initially planning on, which was to take a month long break from jiu jitsu. 

I've had a series of experiences lately in which I've been putting too much pressure on myself since being promoted and class just hasn't been that much fun as a result. And by "not fun", I mean I've left class a number of times miserable. In addition, I swear that I have regressed in technique. I am literally just befuddled when I'm stuck in someone's guard. It's like I'm back at my one stripe blue knowledge level.. 

I know that I know and can execute many techniques. The shit that I do when I roll though is so incredibly limited it's not even funny. I try to open up my game and I get creamed. I'm making a lot of poor decisions, some which are due to having a poor frame of mind. I absolutely hate being the only brown belt at our gym that gets tapped by blue belts. As much as I'd like to not have that be a factor, it eats at me. Of course, once I convince myself I suck, then I'm truly sunk.

The short answer is that I'm not going to compete for awhile and I'm not going to try to work my way out of this funk. I'm going to take a step back, try to ignore my belt color, focus on a couple of positions, chill the fuck out and hopefully start having fun again.