Tapping

Sooooo it's been a little while since I've been tapped by a white belt. Not a matter of years, but maybe 3-4mos. Got tapped by a 1 stripe via kimura in his bottom half guard last night. I had his back earlier in the round looking for a choke, but reset to a neutral position when we rolled next to a wall which I felt was impeding his escape opportunities. I was screwing around in his top half and next thing I know he has a kimura grip on my far arm. He cranks it and boom. Submission. I was very mellow about it, told him nice sub, round ended, no big deal. 

The thing that really irks me is that if the positions had been reversed, there's absolutely no way that I would have gotten that on a brown belt dude half my age when I was a white belt. It wasn't that he completely muscled it...I definitely screwed up in getting to that position in the first place. However, the truth remains that the gender/age thing is messing with my head.

I'm not begrudging him (or anyone for that matter), but it's very frustrating and it's stuff like that that make me question my veracity on the mats and whether I was promoted too soon. It would have felt just as bad if I was a purple belt. For whatever reason, I feel more obligation at brown belt to be good. I'm trying very hard not to get too hung up on the belt color and whatever responsibility I think comes with it, but I'm not often succeeding. How do I accurately judge myself against my peers?

Rest of my rolls last night went pretty well.

Didn't have my head in the game for this morning's class b/c of house selling stuff. Rolled with Sarah a couple of rounds and then was getting pretty well crushed by Kris E when he made a small error that gave me a chance to sweep and get on top.