Get Mad

4/12 & 4/13

I don't remember the specifics of either class, as I didn't take notes. Plus I was in some sort of mental fog, so it's lost.

One thing that does stand out distinctly is my roll with Julio on 4/12. He had me turtled or in bottom side for the majority of the roll (as per usual). Near the end of the roll, something came over me and I got kinda pissed. Not at him, but at my own inability to mount any offense on him. In fact, at one point earlier in the roll I thought that I should just stop defending whatever he was threatening at the time because the tap was inevitable. I was mad at myself for being willing to just give up, and it lit a fire under my ass in the last minute or so. I started moving like a greased pig and managed to make some headway, escaping the inferior position and at least turning it into a scramble. For reference, Julio is a two stripe brown who has over 30lb on me.

It's not common, but on the few occasions where I feel like I've been kicked in the teeth (so to speak), I become much more aggressive and active. It doesn't always work out in my favor, but sometimes it does. It's rarely my mindset when rolling, but sometimes I wish I could access that aggressiveness more often. I have a very methodical and patient game which suits my personality. I tell myself to scramble more, but I rarely follow this advice. Typically I'll just defend and wait out bad positions. I think that scrambling more would help keep me out of bad positions in the first place. I really have to get to a breaking point of frustration though before I "unleash", as it were. You shouldn't have to get pissed to be active, but it's the only time I get in a space where I won't take 'no' (i.e. superior positioning) for an answer.

I've been thinking for awhile now about how to modify my game to be more active while staying within the bounds of my personality. I'm very laid-back and not confrontational, so I need to find a mindset where I can impose my game from somewhere other than guard without trying to be someone other than who I am. Aggressive playfulness, maybe? That sounds very interesting, especially outside the context of BJJ. :)